Time of Crisis

So far - this new year awaited with such trepidation hasn't really been stellar for me.
Quite the contrary.
My days have been filled with much negativity, tears, doubts and overall sadness. January usually does that to me, so I am not that surprised but I cannot really write in a state of mild depression.

So I read.
And watch.
So that I don't think too much.

This time of crisis - or mental hibernation like I used to call it - hasn't been totally sterile though. From all this brooding over emerged two things I can get quite excited about as soon as the heavy veil is lifted - soon.
Two things I never really thought I would partake in. Unless I were a man in his late 40s and on the verge of a midlife crisis. I guess crises are inherently all the same. They require, urge, demand with an unsettling vigor something different. Radical.
So I decided on an impulse to go skydiving. I just seized the opportunity, without thinking about it twice and received my little information packet in the mail last week. I have never been really curious about it but it feels just right.
And I am quite elated about it.

The other thing has been with me for quite a while, in a corner of my head I usually don't visit very often, especially since I did the big leap of faith of crossing the Atlantic eight years ago, on yet another whim. I must have thought that it was adventure enough for a while, and that I could sit back and rest a bit before considering anything remotely as daring. But now the time has come, and I rested enough.
I want to learn how to drive a bike. A motorbike, that is. I want to have this unique feeling of freedom, control and speed, and abandon myself in it. Not for thrill-seeking sake. I am not that much of a risk taker, at least not in a literal way. I just need to feel alive again, to get rid of the numbness I have been feeling for the last few years and this is the perfect way to do it.

So even though 2010 has started 'off' I still want to make it my year. A year of change and achievement. A year of happiness.
January is almost done.